all there is...

rats. mice. kids that are embarrassed of you, hate you, despise you...but love the meal you buy at a restaurant...i don't think i was ever as contemptuous of my parents as these three are of me. go ahead. live your lives. mine's more than half done, if i'm realistic. maybe almost done. might not be the worst thing. it's all for nothing. it's all a little not big joke...it's nothing. just be careful. you can have your fun. just stay alive and safe to humor me while i'm alive. and when i'm gone you can do whatever the fuck you want. just leave me alone except to text me that you're alive. i want to check into a holiday inn by myself with a stack of magazines and books and no phone calls. just me, reading and some food, drink now and then. i am nothing to nobody, and that would be fine except why does nobody need nothing all the time except for the fun? i hate everything.

i'm sorry for kelly preston and john travolta to lose their son.

i am the candid yam. i say what the hell i think; if you don't like it, don't listen to me. the problem with liquor is that it makes you believe you are special. that's all.

All I Want

To no longer be worried about money.
To get my kids all the dental work they need.
To get ME all the dental work I need.
To never, ever be beholden to the man again.
To never, ever have to fire anyone again. Although there will be an element of poetic justice to this one.
To (I'm sorry) win the Powerball...

Doña Nadie

Yeah that's me...strange day. Busy busy busy. Maybe you didn't read the paper today; if you had, you would have seen my obit. I died and went to hell. Or was transported there in some other manner.

When will it ever end? Not the living; the hell.

Won $28 on the P'ball though. But some Hoosier won the wad. I'm pretty sure that rat? The Mardi Gras not Jazzfest rat that ate the poison, crawled into my stove and died, then was carted out when the new stove was brought in? Yeah, that was my P'ball. I know it. I'm almost okay with it. That day, I'd have traded anything (except my three) for exactly what happened to happen. So, I guess the $28 is above and beyond, baby. Above and beyond. Strange day.

Maiden Blog

Saturday September 20, 2008

Well, not truly the maiden one. I made a blog years ago, don't remember how long ago...pre-Katrina. Probably a few years pre-K. But I can't remember what username, password, etc., I used so I must start again. I used to have a photographic mind, especially for words, but I keep forgetting (ha) that I'm getting really old and can't remember anything of value.

The great thing is, no one knows I have a blog, so it's really an online repository for all my ephemera. I suppose someone could stumble onto it...hell, I don't know if they could or not; I'm useless and ignorant where this shit is concerned. But I currently have no intention of sharing this with anyone. Oh, sharing's too ambitious a word. I mean, I'm not planning on mentioning this to anyone. It's for me and that's why it's called Patti Sez. (The older I get the more I realize that Patti's really the only one who's interested in what Patti says.)

I'm having a low-level freakout concerning my finances. This is nothing new; I AM the rockinghorse winner. But that rockinghorse winner anxiety is taking over my entire waking life. I'm a lot nicer than AIG; wouldn't some kind agency bail me out? All I think about is how to get dinner on the table as cheaply as possible, and just pretend my many bills do not exist. My dreams are really mundane, too--could there be a worse state for your dreams to be in? Who wants to have mundane dreams? Of things like my teenage daughter being a toddler and wetting her pants in the car, then throwing up? Or of washing dishes? Then daydreams of nothing creative or unique or interesting; just of winning the PowerBall. That's shit.

Anyway, welcome to my blog.

Patti Sez